Dress Sizes

**Breathe, one, two, three, wait before jumping over the edge.**
Mine is a cursed heart and was the moment I told the tall, lanky man that I wanted to kiss him.  Who knew he’d kiss me back, or that kiss would send me spiraling out of control?  Since that moment, I took to writing love letters.  I write letters of love, of anger, or loss, of ache, or pain, and from almost the same instance, we started our love affair, I wrote ‘love me no more’ letters, and please ‘ release me letters’.  I beg him to be strong and not contact me—since I am the weaker one—but apparently he is weaker than I since he has never truly let me get too far away or go too long without pulling me back in.  He goes silent for a while, which hurts at first but I gradually resume normal breathing until he pops up in my instant message window, and we tango, spare, and begin again.

Some people blog to tell a story, to confess, to become famous, and then there are those of us who come out of the closet with their heartache with the wild notion of self-curing.  I don’t know if that will happen here or not, but there isn’t anything to be lost.

Over the edge, and damn the rules….
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I have a weakness for all three. 

I was seven when I had my first chocolate glazed donut at Ray’s Donut shop (the original Krispy Kremes).  One bite of the fluffy, sweet, creamy, chocolate, pasty and I was borderline addicted.  I didn’t think there could be anything finer, and if asked what I thought was the best moment ever, I would respond, “Eating one of Ray’s donuts.”  At least that was my response until I saw Mario without his Haynes v-neck white shirt the summer before I entered high school.
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When a part of me is hurting, and looking for comfort, or in need of inspiration, I retreat into my music collection and immerse myself in its magical healing powers.  There are as many different songs as there are moods, and depending on my need, I only have to pick.

• In need of romantic love, that is lost and found again and again, or reckless fun – Dwight Yoakam
• In need of fresh insight to the same subject – Rob Thomas
• In need of whimsy and white polyester – ABBA
• In need of love over load – Celine Dion
• In need of boosting my inner-self – ‘I’m Every Woman’ by Chaka Khan
• In need of energy when I up was too late writing – I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas
• In need of inspiration – Into the Mystic, by Van Morrison 

The mood only need manifest itself.
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